


white mercedes

by yoonglesblog



Series: white mercedes [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Johnny is a Sweetheart, M/M, a story in fragments, based off of the song white mercedes, im trying to make myself cry, not a functional relationship, ten is not okay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-30
Updated: 2019-10-30
Packaged: 2021-01-06 09:09:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21224114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yoonglesblog/pseuds/yoonglesblog
Summary: the only thing ten knows is that he doesn’t deserve johnny. not one bit.





	white mercedes

**Author's Note:**

> this is based off the song white mercedes by charlie xcx. literally first time i heard this song i was like MUST WRITE FIC. so here she is.
> 
> this is my first fic, and i am gay so i cant spell so sorry for that. this fic is meant to be chopping and fragmented and if it doesn’t flow, its purposeful. 
> 
> i think.

ten met johnny at a bar. 

he had been on the dance floor, squished against strangers bodies in a sensual grind trying to dance and drink his problems away, when he felt the tell-tale prickle along his spine - somebody was watching him. he glanced up, hips still swaying and locked eyes with a man seated at the bar across from him. the first thing ten realised about the man was that he was tall, long legs spread out before him at his seat. the second was his eyes - dark and warm, like melted chocolate. 

ten blew him in the bathroom, and between laboured breaths and stuttered moans, learnt the man’s name; johnny.

johnny took him home and ten disappeared before the sun rises the next morning, leaving nothing, not a note or number. johnny was a little awestruck of the beautiful man with silver hair and slim eyes. 

-

the second time ten met johnny, it was at his best friend's birthday. ten had arrived an hour late, rushing into the apartment with a brightly wrapped gift in hand and tackling taeyong in a hug, drowning him in kisses. taeyoung had laughed and pulled him closer.

ten grabbed a beer, fluttering through the apartment greeting and catching up with people. by the time he reached jaehyun, taeyong’s newly acquainted boyfriend, he was well into his second beer. it was then that he felt eyes on him, a sense of Deja Vu from a night out a week before. 

and there was johnny, leaning against a wall, long legs stretched out and beautiful eyes trained on him. ten couldn't help the flirtatious smile flitted across his lips, the mischievous glint gracing his eyes. he moved towards johnny and said hello.

they spoke for hours, about anything and everything. thoughts of hooking up disappeared from ten’s head as time passed, too focussed on the words spilling through johnny’s lips, each one more intriguing than the last. johnny, ten had decided by the time gathering ended, may have been physically beautiful but nothing could come close to how beautiful his brain was. he saw the world like nobody else, analysing people’s actions for purposes and reasons, motivations and dreams as if the answer to every question lies within a person’s actions.

it was fascinating. he was fascinating. and so, it did not surprise ten that they both fell into bed again. and again. and again, in-between days of long talks and cups of coffee. 

-

ten and johnny become constant in each other’s lives. Attached by the hip, the two were never far from each other. 

they weren’t exactly dating, for ten kept calling what they had ‘casual’ and them ‘just friends’. yet ten spent more time at johnny’s then he did at his own home. he had his own draw of stuff at in johnny’s small bedroom, though he wore johnny’s hoodies more than anything else. that is if he wore anything at all.

they were disgustingly domestic. ten’s friends couldn't be happier for him. they thought this was good for him, a constant instead of inconsequential one night stands. 

It terrified ten though. to the very core. But so did everything related to johnny. somehow the tall, beautiful boy had crafted a johnny sized hole in ten’s life and nothing he seemed to do change that. 

-

too much. It had all gotten too much. 

ten knew what johnny’s friends thought. that ten was stringing him along, that it would never last, the johnny deserved better. they were right. they were always right.

yet ten could help but keep johnny close. he couldn't help answering his texts, brushing his hair back when it fell in his eyes, spending every waking second he can with him. because they more time they spent together, the more ten realised that the best part of himself was johnny. 

so he left. suddenly, one morning, he decided to board a train, fleeing to a small coastal town. he gave himself three days to collect his thoughts, scattered as they were. three days to convince himself that he needed to let johnny go. that keeping this up, staying with him would only hurt johnny. and hurting johnny was like hurting himself.

maybe that's why, when he arrived back home, his first action was taking a cab to johnny’s. maybe that's why he nonchalantly walked in as if he hadn’t disappeared without a word. because hurting johnny was a punishment for himself. a dark twisted punishment. for all ten cared about johnny, the feelings didn't rival how much he hated himself.

maybe that's why he stayed. maybe. maybe. maybe. 

-

ten knew he promised to go to johnny’s poetry reading. he knew, he knew, he knew. but he couldn't help himself, his day had been nothing but an eerie silence and pounding thoughts, two forces clashing and fighting against each other for dominance. neither had one.

so ten found himself in some dinghy club, downing shot after shot after shot. the loud music was a relief to his ears, the beat banishing all thoughts of johnny and guilt away. 

here, he wasn't johnny’s ten. he wasn't the boy who strung along with another boy’s heart. he wasn’t an asshole, he wasn't toxic. here he was free.

and so he drank and drank and drank. and when he arrived at johnny's early in the morning, slurring and shivering, bottling up tears and swallowing his feelings, he heard johnny say ‘im sorry’.

and he couldn't for the life of him figure out what for. 

-

“i love you”

ten stared at him, eyes ablaze and hands shaking. the more he stared the worse he felt. panic fled through him like a raging fire, turning every positive thought to ash.

johnny loved him

johnny who was kind. johnny who was smart. johnny who was funny. and passionate. and empathetic. and beautiful, so very beautiful. johnny who drank his coffee black but preferred to be the little spoon. johnny who laughed loudly and cried softly. perfect, sweet johnny. 

he loved ten. broken ten. helpless ten. pessimistic and bitter ten. 

it wasn't right. this wasn't meant to happen. this was meant to be casual, simple, no feelings involved. yet here was johnny confesses his love for him.

he deserved better and so ten did what he always did when he felt inadequate - he ran. 

-

johnny knew he shouldn't have said it. he knew ten would’ve run, head ducked and feet scampering but he couldn't help it. it was what he felt. love.

a toxic relationship was what they were in. johnny knew yet kept waiting for ten, forgiving him and apologising in his place. it was like all sense and self-preservation disappeared when the other boy was around. johnny would do anything for him. johnny wanted to be there for him. he just didn't know-how.

and so he would wait. wait and wait and wait. hurt and hurt and hurt. because ten, as broken and bitter as he was, was worth all the hardship.

**Author's Note:**

> and there she is.  
i am planning on doing a part two,,, at some point  
please leave kudos/comments its much appreciated!!
> 
> scream at me on twitter @yoonglesblog


End file.
